Everyone has the thoughts such as "what if i died today?", but today i ask of what people think when it comes to the point of asking yourself "what if i killed myself today?"
Clearly this is a question that no one wants to seriously consider, but the act of suicide is so intriguing because in the most extreme form it demonstrates that we really do have control over our own lives. The question i seem to think about is not why one would end themselves because clearly one who is alive could not have a clear idea of one who has committed an act which would make them dead.
Perhaps to explore all of our potential questions, we can turn to the suicide note. When one is writing their suicide note, its an explanation of why they are in this state of mind, or possibly a goodbye; though maybe, it could just be a commitment to death. I believe that the words that are written can reveal such great things: the innermost emotions, or the truth. But it is in this note that one shows the greatest strength in the weakest moment. In this note, every word has so much reserved weight behind it, as they know it will be their last. The emotion that is channeled through the pen gives such and exposure of character, and I begin to wonder if it is because we can truly see who we really are at a time when we decide that our character arch is over? There are just so many burning questions that can simply not be answered, but of course it is never wrong to wonder.
When I think of this topic, i seem to wonder yet again how i would act if i thought that every set of words would be my last, all leading back to the post where i examined expectation. The power of language is unlimited, and maybe when we relinquish our final emotions we can leave the stamp on the world that we always wanted to, even if we aren't killing ourselves. I know this post is really scattered, and I'm sorry, I just had this train of thoughts/questions and i really didnt want to let it go to waste.
“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”
-Ben Okri
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